[l1:2] Good Evening
[l1:3] Ahem
[1:4] You’re like anyone else, right? You ask yourself how love comes to those in love and why unrequited hearts are still thankful for their slavery. Well let me tell you the story of a young Englishman and how he fell in love.
[1:5] We find ourselves in the English countryside in 1870.
McConey: Shall we check again my dear Alex?
Alex: Exactly sir, we’ll check again
[1:6] McConey: Spare oar, sail, life-saving equipment
Alex: Yes
McConey: Sextant, compass, assorted navigational charts…
Alex: Yes
[1:7] McConey: Carrot cakes, tea, chocolate, monocle, covers, change of pullover, small flask of rum, sweet water, buoy, spare buoy
Alex: Not so fast… Sir, spare buoy, yes
[1:8] Alex: I think that’s everything, Sir
McConey: Perfect. It’s a favourable weather forecast, no cyclone in sight…
What do you think Alex?
[1:9]Alex: I think you’ll have a lovely trip, Sir.
McConey: Don’t say that old chap, it’s unlucky.
Alex: Oh! Yes. Too late.

[2:1] McConey: Hmm, delightful. This scent of… This scent of… Ah, how should I phrase it? This scent of water.
Alex: Like the scent of adventure, if you’ll allow me sir.
[2:2] McConey: Healthy life, my dear Alex
Alex: Until later, Sir. I’ll set the kettle boiling for tea. Don’t stay out long.
[2:3] Poor Alex. Worries about everything.
[2:4] He treats me like a five year old who’s not to be trusted on his own. Ha ha!
[2:5] Damn it, I’ve told him a hundred times already to make holes in the cap so it stays in place.
[2:6] What a situation we’re in now. One moment’s distraction and I’ve already gone wrong.
[2:7] Buggeration. Where’s the sea chart? Ah. Turkey, The Azores, Nebraska, Manila.
[2:8} Hmm. One thing’s clear. I’ve not got a chart of this river.
[2:9] No need to panic. I have got this. An emergency handbook for unforeseen situations. Hopefully it’ll provide a list of idyllic Sussex guest houses.

[3:1] Shit. The print’s miniscule
[3:2} Yooo hoo. Little boat
[3:4] Mr Hare. Are you the dapper Captain?
[3:5] McConey: Ah, good day Madam.
Nadia: Ha, ha ha! Don’t you recognise me? It’s Nadia.
[3:7] Nadia?
[3:8] McConey: It’s still true Nadia? We’ll get married when we’re grown-up?
Nadia: I promise. I’ll let my parents know.
McConey: And what about those idiots Richardson and McTerry?
Nadia: Ah!
[3:9] McTerry: I heard you call me an idiot and that you want to marry Nadia.
McConey: Don’t hit me McTYerry.
McTerry: I’ll tell your parents
McConey: If you do that I’ll hit you.
Nadia: They’re fighting… Overme!

[4:1] McConey: Do you still want to snitch to my parents?
McTerry: No. I’ll tell my father. He’s a butcher and has lots of sharp knives.
McConey: Forget that idiot McTerry. Look at my engagement present Nadia.
Nadia: Wow! Are those real diamonds?
McConey: I hope so. I swapped my best ball in my mother’s jewellery box.
[4:2] I don’t know what you want Mr McTerry, but now isn’t the time. We’re searching for an unbelievably valuable necklace.
[4:3] Miss Nadia
[4:4] But.. Ah!Miss Nadia, weren’t you five years old then?
[4:5} Nadia: That was a long time ago, just like for you.
McConey: Yes, perhaps. Ah, probably. Ah, could be.
[4:7] Nadia: Don’t you want to pull in? It would be easier to talk.
McConey: Of course…
[4:8]: The current’s not bringing me into the bank. apart from that I’ve got a little heart problem.

[5:1] Nadia: Where should it go then?
McConey: Well, what I had in mind was to head to the old mill and back.
[5:2] Nadia: To the old mill?
McConey: And back. I like taking little excursions.
[5:3] Nadia: I see that. You’ve not changed. I’m really happy to see you again.
McConey: Yes, me too. Above all because I took a wrong turn.
[5:4] Nadia: How are your parents?
McConey: Oh dear Miss Nadia, I hardly dare think about it.
[5:6] Nadia: Heavens! You don’t want to say that they’re…
McConey: Yes.
[5:7] Nadia: My God! How terrible!
McConey: Oh, no
Nadia: But how could that have happened?
McConey: Quite unexpectedly.
[5:8] As mother learned from shopping at Smarks and Pencer she said to me “listen darling, you’ll recover alone in the country.”
[5:9] Recover myself! As you can see, I’m not very sensible.
[5:10] Nadia: Then your parents are still in good health
McConey: They have boundless good health. Does that bother you?
[5:11] Nadia: Never mind. Shall we walk a little?
McConey: Okay
[5:12] Nadia: I don’t want to be indiscreet, but why have you come back after all these years?
McConey: Ohh. Such a concern.