It makes me laugh that you can’t use a mobile on the road so as not to disturb the driver’s concentration…

I know something worse for that.
What?
The knees of the woman one loves.

They’re going to have to legislate or…
Pervert!

What does “pervert” mean?
Aren’t you sleeping?

Sarah and Jimmy are, but me, I’m hot!
It’s long!

We’re here.

Huh? The house across the street’s being worked on.

Mmh? We’re here? We can get out?
One second. I’m opening the gate.

Ohh…

This place hasn’t been looked after for a long time…
A very long time. The vineyard’s in a state…
Wait—meeee!

Anyone there?
Ha, ha ha.

Worried?

HEY! I’M THIRSTY!

And you’ve torn your T-shirt.
Who? Me?
Ah, yes.

Where are your sister and your cousin?
JEAN! YOU COMING?

I’m there!
Don’t do anything stupid…

...or, do it sensibly.
Yeah! ‘Kay!

Come see!

Whatcha doing?

Go back there and shut your gob!
Hey ho!

Look…
Wha. You can see them well…

Sh.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE THIS TIME?!

WHAT IS IT, THIS CEMENT? YOU’VE DONE IT ANY OLD WAY!!

I ALWAYS HAVE TO GO AGAIN BEHIND YOU! IT’S NOT TRUE!
GO ON! YOU DO THAT AGAIN FOR ME THE RIGHT WAY!

YOU’RE LUCKY THE BOSS DIDN’T SEE THAT!

How do I redo it?
WHAT?

ARE YOU MESSING WITH ME OR ARE YOU AN IDIOT? I SHOWED YOU YESTERDAY! SORT IT OUT YOURSELF! I’VE GOT TO GO DO THE FORMWORK!

What does “formwork” mean?
Sh!

Go, my Jeannot!

Push.
Stay right.

Haha! The baby who doesn’t know how to ride a bike!
Without the little wheels!
Look ahead of you!
Go, Jean!

That’s better!
See, Mum, I’m coming!

I’m coming! I’m coming!
I’m com…?!

Haha! Poor midget!
IT WAS THE TIRE THAT SLID!

I’M NOT HURT! I’M NOT BLEEDING!
Show me that…

Ha ha, I know it well, that one. You’ve struck gold.
Up until yesterday, I was keeping it for my father who wanted to replace his old R.21.
And… he doesn’t want it any more?
His older brother – 87 years old – just decided to give up driving. He gave him his car.

You can thank my uncle Joseph: this car is available. 18,000 km. Perfect state. A gem.
And, uh… we can try it out?

No, sir.
It’s not that you can.
You must.
Madame, I beg you.

Gigi, can you do me a favour? They’re coming to take it tomorrow at 5pm. I’m scooting out, I’m up to my eyes, I have to go find my mother.
OK.

You’re an angel, Gigi. Remind me to marry you when you’ve ditched your husband.
Scoot. Or she’ll give you a scolding.
My mother? That would astonish me.

How’re you doing? You eat well in your hospital?
I HAVE TULIPS IN MY VASE.

Ah?
That’s…
That’s cool…

You recognise me, Mum? I’m… I’m?
Simon.
Ho. It’s Simon.

No… In fact, I am…
Johnny Hallyday!

You want an autograph?

No, just kidding. It’s Simon.

What are you looking at?
It’s the bazaar, their thing…
What thing?

The roads. The houses. It’s the bazaar. Where are we going?
What?

We’re going to your house, Mum. I already told you…
Ah yes…

Unbelieveable…

C’mon! I’m going to show you something.

You remember that I had a serious accident two months ago?

Well, okay. Stupid question.
I’m going to show you anyway.

You see. It’s there.

I arrived like us…

...and behind me, the van.

The semi comes in from there. He doesn’t see me.

He takes position, he catches sight of me, he slams on the brakes…

He smashes into me and catapults me against the embankment!

Behind me, the van brakes like crazy, skids…

It ends up in the ditch and bam! Smashes into me from behind.

I find myself in my pulverised car between the embankment and the lorry. And, behind me, the van!
Me, I’m fine.
“A miracle!” say the firemen.

All right. Let’s go. They’re going to be waiting for us.

Ow!

DON’T STAY THERE. YOU SEE VERY WELL THAT IT’S DANGEROUS.

C’mon, Jimmy, look,
Who is it?

You don’t recognise? My big brother and me…
Dad? That’s Dad with the long hair? Ha, ha, ha!

Is he well?
Yeah… Hee hee, his mug!

Why doesn’t he ever come to see you?
He cut his ties…
...After he had a big fight with my grandfather. I know. That’s what they tell me every time. But you, the children, you never see each other again?

It’s coming on, it’s coming on… You see, now, he lets you come on holiday with your cousins.
HEY! JIMMY!

Come see! Quiiiick!

Hey! You promised to help me empty this cupboard!

Flight: a hereditary mania, huh, big brother…

Wait for meeeeeeee!

And shit.

FUCK, YOU’VE GOT NOTHING IN YOUR ARMS!

It was too heavy. The wheel slid on the pavement…
A FULL WHEELBARROW OF CONCRETE! YOU’RE REALLY GOOD FOR NOTHING!

AND WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, THERE? FOR IT TO PICK ITSELF UP?

I’m gonna tell the boss:
I’m happy to train apprentices, but I can’t do anything for the ones who can’t be taught!

In fact, I believe you’re stupid.
You’re stupid, my poor boy.
Stupid to such a point…
You’re stupid, what…

Okay, I’m going back. You do an armful before you take a break.

Hey… ‘dyou see that?
It’s disgusting.
I didn’t see. What’d he do?

He did well!
I didn’t see! Tell me! What’d he do?
Sh!

Hey, a car. It’s them.

How’re you doing? We’re not late?

Hello, Mum.

Hello.
It’s Jeanne.

You recognise Jeanne, Mum?
Yes yes.

Sarah, Jean, Jimmy. Come and say hello to your grandmother.
...and to your uncle!

Hello, grandmother.
You’re cute…

Hello, Simon.
What?
Hey! What did she say?

Mum, I’m Simon. He’s Jean…

...and he’s Jimmy, the son of Arnaud.
But he’s not there.

And here, do you recognise it?
It’s a beautiful house.
It’s your place, Mum.

Ah yes.

Come on.
Are we going to watch telly?

Say, Simon, she gets weirder and weirder, grandmother.
That. Never bored for a second.
And why is she so weird?

Mmh? It’s like she has holes in her brain.
Holes? In the head?!

Not real holes. Fake ones.
Fakes?

Yeah. But holes all the same. Fuck.
You got them, the holes?

Ha, ha! No. Not yet. Don’t worry. Uncle Simon remembers everything!

For example, he remembers that you were supposed to know how to ride a bike at last.
So, kid? Have you done it?
You’re talking…

He does three metres and he breaks his face!
AND SO? I DID THE THREE METRES!

A vast question: How far a distance must one have travelled before one knows how to ride a bike?

GROOAR!

OW!

Watch out! You could have sheared my head off!
You scared me, imbecile! You’re completely thoughtless!

Well… How long since you got here?
We just arrived…
Hey, it’s while you’re on holiday for two months that you work hardest!

When are you renewing your stockpile of jokes about teachers? I’m going to finish preparing lunch. Will we have a beer?
We’ll make the effort!

Uh… hello…
Mmrh’lo.

And, uh… enjoy your meal….
Mmhankyou.

SARAH? JEAN? JIMMY? LUNCH!

Where were you?
Mmh? Just there. Don’t worry…

I don’t want to see you playing in the street, especially you, Jean.
Why me?
Because you’re little.
HEY! I’M FIVE!

And I don’t want you to go and get in the way of the people on the building site. It’s dangerous. Understood?

Hey! You just damaged your car!

Ho, Clément! You’re spraying pebbles everywhere with your machine! You want to move your break so I can bring my Clio back to the garage?

But it’s not risking anything, your Clio. It’s far away and…
I’m not taking the risk. In my job, you have to have an impeccable car.

What?
It’s normal. The clients see it. In a sense, my car… is me.
I suppose I mustn’t laugh… I’ll go find my keys.

Simon’s gone?

Ho! Simon’s gone?
Huh? No, why?
His car – isn’t there any more…

Ha, ha! I’m still here!

And you, Mum, are you all right?
I’m very well! You are working hard!
YEAH!

I tell you, it’s fine! The moped and the car aren’t behind the house any more: they’ve gone.

ARGH!

I bumped myself! I’m bleeding!
You’re a pain in the arse! We didn’t have to bring you –
They’re calling us!

KIDS! DINNER!
It huuuuuurts…
Shut up!
Go on, run, Jean!

WHERE ARE YOU? DINNER!
I’ve got to think about grafting them with a GPS tag…

We’re here, Clément!
No kidding? Go up, wash your hands, we’re sitting down to dinner.

Go up…

You don’t say where you did that. You just have to say you fell in the garden.
I’m not a liar…

Huh… what do I tell them?
I have an idea.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH…
Are you mad? He must have hurt himself!
Well, yeah. In the forehead.

What’s going on?
WHAAAAAAAAAAA… HE PUSHED ME DOWN THE STAIRS!!!

Your forehead’s bleeding just a little. Come on. We’ll take care of that…
WHAAAA
Do you understand that he could have hurt himself badly? Why did you do that?
To do him a service.
Are you messing with me?
Try me.

Little Jimmy, I advise you not to take that tone. Apologise.
You’re not my father.
That doesn’t permit you to be insolent. I’m waiting.

Very well. You’ll have dinner when you’ve apologised. Run to your…
Hey. Where are you going?

Little fool.

OK. Forgive me.

It’s true, the slap, I needn’t have done it.
Well, er… You want some water?

This’ll be paid for.
What?
Listen! A car!

It’s Toussaint!
Hi, Toussaint!
Hi, kids!

You’ve been able to come, finally…
Well, yes. I have the time. I’m coming to help you.
Hey! D’you see?

Hello, Toussaint!
How are you, Jeanne?
Hey! What’s that?

It’s my tent. I’m going to pitch it in the garden.
What? But, no. We’ll find space for you.

No, no, I don’t want to put you out.
I can sleep with you?!

Haha! There he is!
Huh? You’re here? I didn’t see your car.

Mum, you recognise our friend Toussaint?
Hello.
It’s not a sure thing. They’re not seen as often.

Come on, Mum. Toussaint. The family’s official pauper!
Heheh… he’s a dick…

Simon… you know what your number one quality is?
? No. Go on. I don’t know.
Neither do I. But it’s not tact.
?...Why d’you say that?

I said something stupid? Haven’t we been helping you for years?
Well, yeah.
Jean? Are you ready?

Go, Jean!

Haha! Bravo! Bravo! Haha!

HAA? DAD!
Don’t let go of the handlebars!

Hahaha! Go on! We’ll start again!
I’m going to bed. Good night.

Mmh?
Mmhrkiss?

You mustn’t do that…
He just parked. He’s not going to be late.
Hold it. There he is.

Hey, mister…

Er… He hasn’t arrived, the other one?
Quentin? Not yet. Why?
I have something to tell you.

Hello.
A question:

Did you, yes or no, spit in my sandwich yesterday noon?

Yes.
What? Fucking little shitwanker!

Listen well to what I’m saying to you: I have to go get some material, that’s me for the morning…

...you, you finish the foundation and that fucking little wall. And you disappear.
We’ll make it regular with the boss very rapidly. But…

I ADVISE YOU NOT TO BE HERE WHEN I GET BACK!
ARGH! LET GO OF ME! YOU’RE GOING TO PULL OFF MY EAR!

Pull off his ear? Why’s he want to do that to him?
Because he spa…
Because he works badly. All he does is fool around.

That can’t do him any harm. He’s there to learn.
You’re talking about pedagogy!
It’s worth the slaps.

Hey, it’s fine. I apologised.
In any case, it’s true that the builder, he’s really strict.

You’ve just discovered the wonderful world of work, sweet Sarah.

Yeah well, me, I don’t want to be a builder!

Work hard at school and you can choose the career you want.
Ha, ha. Work hard at school and you’ll be the one who pulls the ear more often than the one whose ear is pulled.

Oh, well done…
What? Didn’t we just say the same thing? Pass me the jam.

Do you have apprentices, Mum?
“Apprentice”, “apprentice”, ha, ha ha!
Translator’s note: Jean finds the word “arpette” (=”apprentice”) very funny. I think this may be because “péter” means “to fart” in French. “Arpette” thus sounds like “R pète” = “R farts”. A very childish joke, but Jean is only five years old.

Apprentices, no, interns, sometimes…
And do they get their ears pulled when they work badly?
Hm… You know, in administration, the customs are more polite… but it comes to the same thing…

At the joinery, your father took them sometimes, apprentices…
...That always worked out very well.

You remember that, Mum?
Of course. Why?
Right. Shall we get to it?

It’s nearly midday. Is he finished?
Almost.

He’s going!
Shut up a bit!

If you see that fat idiot again, you can tell him that he’ll never see his wife again, seeing as I’ve buried her.

...simply to breathe…

Take a sabbatical year, for example…

...that’s all I want to do with this money…
And your mother? She understood that her house was going to be sold?

Mmm… we told her… but you’ve seen. I don’t know.
The doctor who follows her thinks that this little stay here with us could help her to understand…

Say, where are you going with that, Simon?

To clear out the bottom of the garden. It’s rotten with brambles. I found this in the garage. Total defoliant, it’s going to be Chernobyl!
We’re going to do that manually, okay?

Fine.

If you like.
You go to it.
Chin up!

Okay. I’ll take care of it. Properly.
I am a wretch. Shame submerges me.

Fuck, it’s hot.
...and Arnaud? He could have come to help us, no?
He signed the papers at the notary’s. He accepts that Jimmy’s come. That’s it already.
Her highness is too good. Where’s Mum?
She’s having a siesta. You want to bring her in on it all the same?

Why not? It could maybe do her some good…
Right. I’m going to clean the pigeon-loft.

That’s it… go…

Pfff… That’s enough for today. I’m going to shower!
You want me to stay and watch the fire?
No, leave it. We’ll come and see from time to time.

Right… er… I’m going to gather the plums…
The children wanted to do it with me… Where have they gone?

Pfff… that’s good for today…
Come on. You’re finished?

Nearly… Talk about a jungle… I’ll finish tomorrow… a little spray of defoliant and done.

Ah.
What?

Nothing.
I’ve said nothing.

But what’s wrong with you three this evening? Toussaint made that plum tart for you.

Er… I… I’m not hungry, that’s all…

Me neither.

M… me neither.
Ha, ha! But I know how to cheer them up!

Ah… Simon’s accident… a long time ago…
Sit down on the grass. I’m starting!

Good. So…
I’m driving…
Vrooooom…

Comfy.

Vrooooom…
I arrive at the crossroads of death…
Pom pom pom…

Fine.
In his heavyweight, the fat mammoth who makes no blunders.
Brooohhhmm

Meh? But… mwhadizzit?
Hold it, a car, on my right… does it have the right of way?
Mmh?

Me:
EEEEEE??

BANG PAF CRASH BELENG

There I am in the ditch!

Behind me, in his van, the other dick
Simon.
...the other imbecile…

...busy picking his nose:
Yum yum!

SUDDENLY, WHAT DOES HE SEE?

A lorry crossways on the road! A car in the ditch!
He slams on the brakes!
He skids!

Me, in my pile of sheet metal:
I ask myself what’s happened…
I hear li’l birdies…
coo coo cheep cheep

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Wahop!
Buh…
I’m a bit dazed and…
Ha ha ha!

Re-bang! I get the van in my ar
Simon.
in my bottom!

Car pulverised! Smashed!
But…
BUT…

Uncle Simon: Intact!
Tada!

Hahaha! Do the dazed again, Simon!
To bed, kids!

I’ll help you to bed too, Mum?
Aren’t we going to watch telly?

Good night, Irène.
Good night, Mum.
Good night.